Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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