Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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