I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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