i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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