I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
