I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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