She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
