I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
