Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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