I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
