im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
