I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
