i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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