just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
