I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
