I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
