Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
