apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
