is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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