i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
