i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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