I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
