it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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