It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
