Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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