Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
