I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
