Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
