I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Randomize
