Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
