it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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