Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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