my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
