shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
