Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
