just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
