Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
