Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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