Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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