The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
