New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
