It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
