if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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