somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
