i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
