I'm going to jail i love you
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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