There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
