I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
