OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
