If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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