We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
me + whiskey = a bad person
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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