The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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