I feel great
I just peed on a car
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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