yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
